Stop Controlling, Start Acknowledging

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My NoS-X Encounter with Dr. Mahua Chatterjee by Albert Schiller

The Myth of Control

Mahua Chatterjee begins her lesson on emotional intelligence by dismantling a popular command. Society frequently tells us to "control our emotions" as if they are wild animals that require a cage. We view anger, sadness, or irritation as unruly forces that must be mastered to maintain our dignity. Mahua argues that this perspective contains a fundamental error regarding human nature. She states that "we are not the master, and emotion is not our slave". We cannot enslave a part of ourselves without suffering severe psychological consequences.

She explains that emotion and identity are inseparable. We are the emotion in the moment we feel it. The attempt to control it creates a fracture in the psyche. We try to suppress the feeling to maintain a facade of professionalism or calm. This suppression does not eliminate the feeling. It merely forces it underground, where it festers and grows toxic. Mahua advocates for a different approach entirely. We should stop trying to control our feelings. We should start acknowledging them as valid parts of our current reality. The attempt to dominate our own minds only leads to an internal war that we are destined to lose.

"We are not the master, and emotion is not our slave... We do not need to control our emotions."

The "Right Now" Audit

The alternative to control is radical honesty. Mahua proposes a simple yet challenging exercise that serves as an immediate audit of our internal state. We must ask ourselves what we are feeling at present. She demonstrated this vulnerability during our interview to show how it works. She paused the conversation and admitted that she felt "a little exhausted" and "a little exposed". She neither judged these feelings nor apologized for them. She simply named them.

This act of naming serves a critical function for mental hygiene. It prevents the emotion from lingering and infecting other interactions. Mahua explains that if she acknowledges that she feels exposed, she can process it and move on. If she ignores it, that irritation will follow her into her next meeting. It will color her interactions with people who had no involvement in the original event. The "Right Now" audit acts as a release valve. It stops the emotion from controlling your future by honoring its presence in your present. Acknowledgment allows feelings to pass through us rather than becoming stuck within us.

From Passive to Active: A Leader's Journey

Mahua illustrates the danger of suppression through her own professional history. She describes her early behavior as that of a team member who desperately sought to be liked. She struggled to express negative feedback because she prioritized being "people-friendly" over honesty. If a colleague was consistently late, she stayed silent to avoid conflict. This silence did not mean she was okay with the behavior. Her anger leaked out in other ways. She became "passively aggressive". She would unintentionally forget tasks or ignore others because her irritation needed an outlet.

Her leadership transition necessitated a change in strategy. She realized she could not lead effectively while hiding her frustration behind a smile. She learned to verbalize the issue directly to the person causing it. She now tells her team members plainly, "I am really upset with you". This directness removes the need for passive aggression entirely. The emotion is no longer a secret weapon used to sabotage the relationship. It becomes a tool for clear communication. She replaced the hidden resentment with open dialogue. This shift allows her to remain kind while being firm.

The Power of Words

We must reframe the act of expression. It is not an act of weakness or a lack of discipline. Mahua defines it as an act of efficiency. She teaches us that words act as boundaries for our emotions. When we put a feeling into a sentence, we contain it. We give it a shape that can be managed and understood by others. This clarity benefits both the speaker and the listener.

The silent person is often the most volatile because their unexpressed emotions govern their actions in unforeseen ways. The articulate person is free. They do not need to control their feelings because they have already acknowledged them. We expend tremendous energy trying to hide our true selves from the world. We should stop trying to be robots. We should start being articulate humans who use words to clear the air.

"Yes, words are very beautiful... If you actually can express it through words, then there is no issue."

So what can we take from her approach?